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Many years ago, there were two sisters, one blonde and one brunette, who inherited the family ranch... Unfortunately, after just a few years, they were in financial trouble. In order to keep the bank from repossessing the ranch... they needed to purchase a bull from a stockyard in a far-away town so that they could breed their own stock. At this point, they were down to their last $600. Upon leaving, the brunette told her sister, "When I get there, if I decide to buy the bull... " "I'll contact you to drive out after me and haul it home." The brunette arrived at the stockyard, inspected the bull, and decided she wanted to buy it. The man told her that he will sell it for $599, and no less. After paying him, she drove to the nearest town to send her sister a telegram to tell her the news. She walked into the telegraph office, and said... "I want to send a telegram to my sister telling her that I've bought a bull for our ranch." "I need her to hitch the trailer to our pickup truck and drive out here so we can haul it home." The telegraph operator explained that he'd be glad to help her, then added, "It's just 99 cents a word." Well, after paying for the bull, the brunette only had $1 left. She realized that she'd only be able to send her sister one word. After a few minutes of thinking, she nodded and said, "I want you to send her the word 'comfortable'." The operator shook his head... "How is she ever going to know that you want her to hitch the trailer to your pickup truck... " "Then, drive out here to haul that bull back to your ranch, if you send her just the word 'comfortable'?" The brunette explained, "My sister's blonde and the word's big so, she'll read it very slowly... " "Com - for - da - bull."

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My wife came home early and caught me in bed with a beautiful woman! She screamed: “You filthy pig! How can you do this to me — to the mother of your children?! We’re getting a divorce!” I said: “Honey, please… just let me explain!” She crossed her arms: “Fine. Talk. But these will be your last words.” So I told her: “Look sweetheart… When I got off the bus, I saw this poor lady. She was freezing and starving, and she asked me for help. How could I ignore her? I brought her home and gave her the pizza you didn’t eat last night because it was ‘too greasy.’ She devoured it. She was filthy, so I told her she could take a shower. While she was in the bathroom, I noticed her clothes were dirty and full of holes. So I gave her the lingerie I bought for our anniversary — the ones you hated because they were black. I gave her a pair of your jeans you never wear just because my mom bought them. Then I gave her that shirt you didn’t even unpack because it was from a cheap store. Honey… you should’ve seen how happy she was. She was glowing.” "I walked her to the door. She turned back, tears in her eyes, and said ‘Is there anything else your wife doesn’t use?"

There was a small church that had a very big-busted organist. Long Her breasts were so huge that they inadvertently bounced and jiggled the entire time she played the organ. Unfortunately, she distracted most of the congregation considerably, both male and female. The very proper church ladies were appalled. They said something had to be done about this or they would have to get another organist. So, one of the ladies approached her, very discreetly, and told her to mash up some green persimmons and rub them on the nipples of her breasts and maybe they would shrink in size, but warned her to not eat any of the green persimmons, 'because they are so sour they will make your mouth pucker up and you won't be able to talk properly for a week! The perky organist agreed to try rubbing the persimmons on her nipples. The following Sunday morning the minister got up in the pulpit and said... 'Dew to thircumsthanthis bewond my contwol, we will not haff a thermon tewday.”

One day Jesus came across a mob surrounding a woman, armed with stones. He asks what’s happening, and they explain that she’s an adulteress and that the penalty for adultery is to be stoned to death. “Is that so?”, he replies. “In that case, whoever among you is free from sin, let them cast the first stone”. A woman at the back of the mob promptly throws a rock square at the head of the adulteress, killing her instantly. Jesus looks over at the woman who threw the stone and shakes his head sadly. “Mum, sometimes you really piss me off.”