Little Johnny's next-door neighbor has just welcomed a new baby into the world... Unfortunately, the baby was born without any ears. When the neighbors finally bring the baby home from the hospital, they invite Little Johnny's family over to see their precious new arrival. 

Before heading over, Little Johnny's dad sits him down for a serious talk... "Now listen, son, " he begins, "The neighbors' baby was born without any ears... " "I don't want to hear a single word from you about it. Not one word!... " "If you so much as mention his ears, you're going to be in big trouble when we get back home. Do you understand me?" Little Johnny nods earnestly, "Yes dad." Feeling somewhat reassured, the family heads over to the neighbor's house... 

When they arrive, they're greeted warmly, and soon enough, they're led to the nursery to meet the new baby. Little Johnny, determined to keep his promise, carefully leans over the crib, studying the baby with a thoughtful expression... 

He gently touches the baby's tiny hand and says with genuine admiration, "Oh, what a beautiful little baby you have here!" The baby's mother beams with pride and gratitude... "Thank you so much, Little Johnny," she says, clearly touched by his kind words. Little Johnny continues, "This baby has the most perfect little hands and the cutest little feet!... " "And those eyes - just look at those bright, pretty little eyes! Did the doctor say anything about how well he can see?" 

The mother, glowing with pride, responds, "Why, yes! The doctor said he has perfect eyesight!" Little Johnny, still gazing at the baby, nods thoughtfully and then says, "Well, it's a good thing... " "Cause he sure can't wear glasses!"

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My wife came home early and caught me in bed with a beautiful woman! She screamed: “You filthy pig! How can you do this to me — to the mother of your children?! We’re getting a divorce!” I said: “Honey, please… just let me explain!” She crossed her arms: “Fine. Talk. But these will be your last words.” So I told her: “Look sweetheart… When I got off the bus, I saw this poor lady. She was freezing and starving, and she asked me for help. How could I ignore her? I brought her home and gave her the pizza you didn’t eat last night because it was ‘too greasy.’ She devoured it. She was filthy, so I told her she could take a shower. While she was in the bathroom, I noticed her clothes were dirty and full of holes. So I gave her the lingerie I bought for our anniversary — the ones you hated because they were black. I gave her a pair of your jeans you never wear just because my mom bought them. Then I gave her that shirt you didn’t even unpack because it was from a cheap store. Honey… you should’ve seen how happy she was. She was glowing.” "I walked her to the door. She turned back, tears in her eyes, and said ‘Is there anything else your wife doesn’t use?"

There was a small church that had a very big-busted organist. Long Her breasts were so huge that they inadvertently bounced and jiggled the entire time she played the organ. Unfortunately, she distracted most of the congregation considerably, both male and female. The very proper church ladies were appalled. They said something had to be done about this or they would have to get another organist. So, one of the ladies approached her, very discreetly, and told her to mash up some green persimmons and rub them on the nipples of her breasts and maybe they would shrink in size, but warned her to not eat any of the green persimmons, 'because they are so sour they will make your mouth pucker up and you won't be able to talk properly for a week! The perky organist agreed to try rubbing the persimmons on her nipples. The following Sunday morning the minister got up in the pulpit and said... 'Dew to thircumsthanthis bewond my contwol, we will not haff a thermon tewday.”

One day Jesus came across a mob surrounding a woman, armed with stones. He asks what’s happening, and they explain that she’s an adulteress and that the penalty for adultery is to be stoned to death. “Is that so?”, he replies. “In that case, whoever among you is free from sin, let them cast the first stone”. A woman at the back of the mob promptly throws a rock square at the head of the adulteress, killing her instantly. Jesus looks over at the woman who threw the stone and shakes his head sadly. “Mum, sometimes you really piss me off.”