It’s Sunday afternoon, and Dave is immersed in his favorite weekly ritual - watching football... He’s got snacks scattered around him, feet propped up on the coffee table, and eyes glued to the TV as if the game depends on his concentration. Meanwhile, in the next room, his wife, Linda, is quietly sewing... Suddenly, from across the house, her voice rings out, "Honey, did you take the garbage out?" 

Dave winces but doesn’t look away from the screen, "I'll do it after the game!" he yells, not even sure if she heard him over the commentary. He refocuses, but not for long - Moments later, Linda’s voice breaks through again... "Honey, can you turn down the television? I can’t concentrate with that thing blaring!" Dave, feeling his patience wearing thin, leans forward on the couch and shouts back... "Why don't you just shut the door then?" His tone is sharper now. 

The game goes on for a couple of minutes - long enough for Dave to think he’s won this battle of interruptions... Just as he’s settling back into the couch, Linda calls out again, her voice more curious this time... "Honey, do you ever get sharp pains in your chest? You know, like someone is stabbing a voodoo doll of you?" Dave almost laughs but holds it in, rubbing his temples. He’s at his wit’s end now... "No! No, I don’t! Can I just watch the game in peace? Please!" A brief silence lingers, just long enough to feel unsettling, before Linda’s voice chimes in again, sweet as can be this time... "How about now?"

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My wife came home early and caught me in bed with a beautiful woman! She screamed: “You filthy pig! How can you do this to me — to the mother of your children?! We’re getting a divorce!” I said: “Honey, please… just let me explain!” She crossed her arms: “Fine. Talk. But these will be your last words.” So I told her: “Look sweetheart… When I got off the bus, I saw this poor lady. She was freezing and starving, and she asked me for help. How could I ignore her? I brought her home and gave her the pizza you didn’t eat last night because it was ‘too greasy.’ She devoured it. She was filthy, so I told her she could take a shower. While she was in the bathroom, I noticed her clothes were dirty and full of holes. So I gave her the lingerie I bought for our anniversary — the ones you hated because they were black. I gave her a pair of your jeans you never wear just because my mom bought them. Then I gave her that shirt you didn’t even unpack because it was from a cheap store. Honey… you should’ve seen how happy she was. She was glowing.” "I walked her to the door. She turned back, tears in her eyes, and said ‘Is there anything else your wife doesn’t use?"

There was a small church that had a very big-busted organist. Long Her breasts were so huge that they inadvertently bounced and jiggled the entire time she played the organ. Unfortunately, she distracted most of the congregation considerably, both male and female. The very proper church ladies were appalled. They said something had to be done about this or they would have to get another organist. So, one of the ladies approached her, very discreetly, and told her to mash up some green persimmons and rub them on the nipples of her breasts and maybe they would shrink in size, but warned her to not eat any of the green persimmons, 'because they are so sour they will make your mouth pucker up and you won't be able to talk properly for a week! The perky organist agreed to try rubbing the persimmons on her nipples. The following Sunday morning the minister got up in the pulpit and said... 'Dew to thircumsthanthis bewond my contwol, we will not haff a thermon tewday.”

One day Jesus came across a mob surrounding a woman, armed with stones. He asks what’s happening, and they explain that she’s an adulteress and that the penalty for adultery is to be stoned to death. “Is that so?”, he replies. “In that case, whoever among you is free from sin, let them cast the first stone”. A woman at the back of the mob promptly throws a rock square at the head of the adulteress, killing her instantly. Jesus looks over at the woman who threw the stone and shakes his head sadly. “Mum, sometimes you really piss me off.”