A man and his wife decide to take some friends to a new restaurant called "Steve's Place"... After they are seated, the man notices the waiter has a spoon sticking out of his shirt pocket. 

At first, the man thinks it's just a quirky fashion choice... But as the busboy comes by to set their water glasses down, the man notices that he also has a spoon in his shirt pocket. Now, curiosity gets the better of him, and the man starts looking around the restaurant... 

Sure enough, every single employee, from the hostess to the guy wiping tables, has a spoon neatly tucked into their pockets. When the waiter returns to serve their soup, the man can’t hold back any longer... "Hey, I’ve got to ask," he says, gesturing to the spoon in the waiter's pocket, "What’s the deal with the spoon?" 

The waiter grins, as if he's been waiting for someone to ask, "Ah, you noticed!... " "Well, our owner brought in Andersen Consulting to streamline our processes." "After months of careful analysis, they found that the spoon is the most frequently dropped utensil... " "By keeping a spoon handy, we reduce the trips to the kitchen by a whopping 15 man-hours per shift!" 

The man is impressed by this, nodding along, though it still feels a bit odd. As fate would have it, the man drops his spoon onto the floor... Without missing a beat, the waiter pulls the spare spoon out of his pocket and hands it over... "See? Efficiency at work!" the waiter says proudly. 

But then the man notices something even stranger... As the waiter turns to walk away, the man spots a small string hanging out of the fly of his pants. When he looks around again, he sees that all the waiters have the same string dangling from their flies... 

Baffled, he can’t resist asking, "Uh, one more thing. What’s with the string?" The waiter leans in, lowering his voice like he's sharing a secret, "Ah, good eye! Andersen Consulting figured out another time-saving trick... " "We tie this string to our, uh, you-know-what, so when we use the restroom, we can pull it out without touching it... " "That way, we don’t have to wash our hands, saving us 57% of our restroom time!" The man is stunned, "Okay, but how do you, you know, put it back?" he asks. 

The waiter glances around, lowers his voice even more, and says, "Well, I can’t speak for the others... " "But I use the spoon."

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My wife came home early and caught me in bed with a beautiful woman! She screamed: “You filthy pig! How can you do this to me — to the mother of your children?! We’re getting a divorce!” I said: “Honey, please… just let me explain!” She crossed her arms: “Fine. Talk. But these will be your last words.” So I told her: “Look sweetheart… When I got off the bus, I saw this poor lady. She was freezing and starving, and she asked me for help. How could I ignore her? I brought her home and gave her the pizza you didn’t eat last night because it was ‘too greasy.’ She devoured it. She was filthy, so I told her she could take a shower. While she was in the bathroom, I noticed her clothes were dirty and full of holes. So I gave her the lingerie I bought for our anniversary — the ones you hated because they were black. I gave her a pair of your jeans you never wear just because my mom bought them. Then I gave her that shirt you didn’t even unpack because it was from a cheap store. Honey… you should’ve seen how happy she was. She was glowing.” "I walked her to the door. She turned back, tears in her eyes, and said ‘Is there anything else your wife doesn’t use?"

There was a small church that had a very big-busted organist. Long Her breasts were so huge that they inadvertently bounced and jiggled the entire time she played the organ. Unfortunately, she distracted most of the congregation considerably, both male and female. The very proper church ladies were appalled. They said something had to be done about this or they would have to get another organist. So, one of the ladies approached her, very discreetly, and told her to mash up some green persimmons and rub them on the nipples of her breasts and maybe they would shrink in size, but warned her to not eat any of the green persimmons, 'because they are so sour they will make your mouth pucker up and you won't be able to talk properly for a week! The perky organist agreed to try rubbing the persimmons on her nipples. The following Sunday morning the minister got up in the pulpit and said... 'Dew to thircumsthanthis bewond my contwol, we will not haff a thermon tewday.”

One day Jesus came across a mob surrounding a woman, armed with stones. He asks what’s happening, and they explain that she’s an adulteress and that the penalty for adultery is to be stoned to death. “Is that so?”, he replies. “In that case, whoever among you is free from sin, let them cast the first stone”. A woman at the back of the mob promptly throws a rock square at the head of the adulteress, killing her instantly. Jesus looks over at the woman who threw the stone and shakes his head sadly. “Mum, sometimes you really piss me off.”