A man once decided that he wanted to marry the most beautiful woman he could possibly find. Not just attractive, but absolutely perfect in every way. So he packed his bags and set out on a journey across the country in search of his future wife.

He spent months traveling up and down the East Coast, meeting women from wealthy families, socialites in big cities, and charming girls in small towns. But no matter who he met, he always managed to find some tiny flaw that bothered him.

Eventually, frustrated and running out of hope, he headed west.

One afternoon, while passing through a quiet farming town, he met a farmer who had three incredibly beautiful daughters. The moment the man saw them, he nearly lost his breath. They were easily the most stunning women he had ever laid eyes on.

Trying not to sound too eager, he approached the farmer and explained his mission.

“I’m looking for the perfect woman to marry,” he said. “Would you allow me to get to know one of your daughters?”

The farmer smiled calmly. “Son, all three of them are looking to settle down. You’re welcome to spend time with them and choose whichever one you like best.”

So the man took the oldest daughter out to dinner that evening. They had a pleasant time together, and she was kind, elegant, and beautiful.

The next morning, the farmer asked, “Well, what do you think of her?”

The man shrugged slightly. “She’s lovely… but she’s just a little bit pigeon-toed. Not much, mind you. Most people probably wouldn’t even notice.”

The farmer nodded thoughtfully. “Fair enough. Why don’t you spend some time with my second daughter?”

So the man did.

The second daughter was just as beautiful as the first, maybe even more charming. They laughed together all evening, and things seemed to go very well.

The next morning, the farmer once again asked for his opinion.

“Well,” the man said carefully, “she’s gorgeous too… but she’s just a tiny bit cross-eyed. Again, barely noticeable.”

The farmer simply nodded again. “Then perhaps you should meet my youngest daughter.”

That evening, the man took the third daughter out, and by the end of the night he was completely convinced.

The following morning he burst into the farmhouse, grinning from ear to ear.

“She’s perfect!” he exclaimed. “Absolutely perfect! I’ve finally found the woman I want to marry!”

The wedding took place only a few weeks later.

Months passed, and eventually the couple had a baby.

Excited to see his newborn child for the first time, the man hurried into the nursery… and froze in horror.

The baby, while healthy and adorable in its own way, had the ugliest face he had ever seen in his entire life.

Completely shocked, he stormed downstairs and confronted his father-in-law.

“How is this even possible?” he demanded. “Your daughter is beautiful! I’m handsome! What happened?!”

The farmer sighed and said,

“Well… she was just a little bit, not that you would notice… pregnant when you met her.”

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My wife came home early and caught me in bed with a beautiful woman! She screamed: “You filthy pig! How can you do this to me — to the mother of your children?! We’re getting a divorce!” I said: “Honey, please… just let me explain!” She crossed her arms: “Fine. Talk. But these will be your last words.” So I told her: “Look sweetheart… When I got off the bus, I saw this poor lady. She was freezing and starving, and she asked me for help. How could I ignore her? I brought her home and gave her the pizza you didn’t eat last night because it was ‘too greasy.’ She devoured it. She was filthy, so I told her she could take a shower. While she was in the bathroom, I noticed her clothes were dirty and full of holes. So I gave her the lingerie I bought for our anniversary — the ones you hated because they were black. I gave her a pair of your jeans you never wear just because my mom bought them. Then I gave her that shirt you didn’t even unpack because it was from a cheap store. Honey… you should’ve seen how happy she was. She was glowing.” "I walked her to the door. She turned back, tears in her eyes, and said ‘Is there anything else your wife doesn’t use?"

There was a small church that had a very big-busted organist. Long Her breasts were so huge that they inadvertently bounced and jiggled the entire time she played the organ. Unfortunately, she distracted most of the congregation considerably, both male and female. The very proper church ladies were appalled. They said something had to be done about this or they would have to get another organist. So, one of the ladies approached her, very discreetly, and told her to mash up some green persimmons and rub them on the nipples of her breasts and maybe they would shrink in size, but warned her to not eat any of the green persimmons, 'because they are so sour they will make your mouth pucker up and you won't be able to talk properly for a week! The perky organist agreed to try rubbing the persimmons on her nipples. The following Sunday morning the minister got up in the pulpit and said... 'Dew to thircumsthanthis bewond my contwol, we will not haff a thermon tewday.”

One day Jesus came across a mob surrounding a woman, armed with stones. He asks what’s happening, and they explain that she’s an adulteress and that the penalty for adultery is to be stoned to death. “Is that so?”, he replies. “In that case, whoever among you is free from sin, let them cast the first stone”. A woman at the back of the mob promptly throws a rock square at the head of the adulteress, killing her instantly. Jesus looks over at the woman who threw the stone and shakes his head sadly. “Mum, sometimes you really piss me off.”