A big-city lawyer was representing the railroad in a lawsuit filed by an old rancher... 

The rancher's prize bull was missing from the section through which the railroad passed.

The rancher was only asking to be paid the fair value of the bull... 

The case was scheduled to be tried before the justice of the peace at the courthouse located in the town's square.

The railroad's attorney immediately cornered the rancher and tried to get him to settle out of court... 

He did his best selling job, and finally the rancher agreed to take half of what he was originally asking.

After the rancher had signed the release and accepted the check, the young lawyer couldn't resist gloating a little over his success... 

He tells the rancher, "You are really a country hick, old man, I sure put one over on you in there... "

"You see, I couldn't have won the case."

"The engineer was asleep, and the fireman was in the caboose when the train went through your ranch that morning... "

"I didn't have one witness to put on the stand."

"I bluffed you!"

The old rancher replied, "Well, I'll tell you young feller, I was a little worried about winning that case myself... "

"Cuz that darned bull came home this morning."

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My wife came home early and caught me in bed with a beautiful woman! She screamed: “You filthy pig! How can you do this to me — to the mother of your children?! We’re getting a divorce!” I said: “Honey, please… just let me explain!” She crossed her arms: “Fine. Talk. But these will be your last words.” So I told her: “Look sweetheart… When I got off the bus, I saw this poor lady. She was freezing and starving, and she asked me for help. How could I ignore her? I brought her home and gave her the pizza you didn’t eat last night because it was ‘too greasy.’ She devoured it. She was filthy, so I told her she could take a shower. While she was in the bathroom, I noticed her clothes were dirty and full of holes. So I gave her the lingerie I bought for our anniversary — the ones you hated because they were black. I gave her a pair of your jeans you never wear just because my mom bought them. Then I gave her that shirt you didn’t even unpack because it was from a cheap store. Honey… you should’ve seen how happy she was. She was glowing.” "I walked her to the door. She turned back, tears in her eyes, and said ‘Is there anything else your wife doesn’t use?"

There was a small church that had a very big-busted organist. Long Her breasts were so huge that they inadvertently bounced and jiggled the entire time she played the organ. Unfortunately, she distracted most of the congregation considerably, both male and female. The very proper church ladies were appalled. They said something had to be done about this or they would have to get another organist. So, one of the ladies approached her, very discreetly, and told her to mash up some green persimmons and rub them on the nipples of her breasts and maybe they would shrink in size, but warned her to not eat any of the green persimmons, 'because they are so sour they will make your mouth pucker up and you won't be able to talk properly for a week! The perky organist agreed to try rubbing the persimmons on her nipples. The following Sunday morning the minister got up in the pulpit and said... 'Dew to thircumsthanthis bewond my contwol, we will not haff a thermon tewday.”

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