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An inmate on death row is scheduled to be executed by firing squad... He’s known around the prison as a quiet, reserved man who rarely speaks about himself or makes requests. As his execution day approaches, the guards notice that he doesn't ask for a last meal or any special arrangements for his final day, which is quite unusual... The warden and the guards, somewhat puzzled but respecting his silence, make their own preparations for the execution. On the day of the execution, the firing squad is assembled, and the inmate is led out to the yard... The inmate stands calmly, his expression unreadable, as the squad takes their positions. Just as the squad is about to be given the command to fire, the inmate suddenly speaks up, his voice breaking the heavy silence... "Actually, music has always been a big part of my life," he says, surprising everyone present. "There’s one thing I’d really like to do before I go... " "I’d like to sing my favorite song, just once, all the way through, with no interruptions." The guard in charge, taken aback by the request, exchanges glances with the warden... After a moment of silent deliberation, the warden gives a slight nod, signaling his approval. The guard turns back to the inmate and nods solemnly... "Go ahead," he says. The inmate smiles faintly, with a look of deep gratitude in his eyes. He takes a deep breath, and then, with clear, deliberate enunciation, he begins to sing... "One billion bottles of beer on the wall, one billion bottles of beer... "

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My wife came home early and caught me in bed with a beautiful woman! She screamed: “You filthy pig! How can you do this to me — to the mother of your children?! We’re getting a divorce!” I said: “Honey, please… just let me explain!” She crossed her arms: “Fine. Talk. But these will be your last words.” So I told her: “Look sweetheart… When I got off the bus, I saw this poor lady. She was freezing and starving, and she asked me for help. How could I ignore her? I brought her home and gave her the pizza you didn’t eat last night because it was ‘too greasy.’ She devoured it. She was filthy, so I told her she could take a shower. While she was in the bathroom, I noticed her clothes were dirty and full of holes. So I gave her the lingerie I bought for our anniversary — the ones you hated because they were black. I gave her a pair of your jeans you never wear just because my mom bought them. Then I gave her that shirt you didn’t even unpack because it was from a cheap store. Honey… you should’ve seen how happy she was. She was glowing.” "I walked her to the door. She turned back, tears in her eyes, and said ‘Is there anything else your wife doesn’t use?"

There was a small church that had a very big-busted organist. Long Her breasts were so huge that they inadvertently bounced and jiggled the entire time she played the organ. Unfortunately, she distracted most of the congregation considerably, both male and female. The very proper church ladies were appalled. They said something had to be done about this or they would have to get another organist. So, one of the ladies approached her, very discreetly, and told her to mash up some green persimmons and rub them on the nipples of her breasts and maybe they would shrink in size, but warned her to not eat any of the green persimmons, 'because they are so sour they will make your mouth pucker up and you won't be able to talk properly for a week! The perky organist agreed to try rubbing the persimmons on her nipples. The following Sunday morning the minister got up in the pulpit and said... 'Dew to thircumsthanthis bewond my contwol, we will not haff a thermon tewday.”

One day Jesus came across a mob surrounding a woman, armed with stones. He asks what’s happening, and they explain that she’s an adulteress and that the penalty for adultery is to be stoned to death. “Is that so?”, he replies. “In that case, whoever among you is free from sin, let them cast the first stone”. A woman at the back of the mob promptly throws a rock square at the head of the adulteress, killing her instantly. Jesus looks over at the woman who threw the stone and shakes his head sadly. “Mum, sometimes you really piss me off.”