Uploaded Image
A multi-millionaire decided to throw a party... A multi-millionaire, living in Australia, decided to throw a party, and invited all of his buddies and neighbors... He also invited Brian, the only native Australian in the neighborhood. He held the party around the pool, in the backyard of his mansion. Everyone was having a good time, drinking, dancing, eating prawns and oysters from the barbecue, and flirting. Then at the height of the party, the millionaire said, "I have a 15 foot man-eating crocodile in my pool, and I’ll give a million dollars to anyone who’ll join him in the pool." The words were barely out of his mouth, when there was a loud splash. Everyone turned around, and saw Brian in the pool fighting madly with the crocodile, jabbing it in the eyes with his thumbs, throwing punches, head butting it... getting it in choke holds, biting it’s tail and flipping it through the air like some kind of martial arts expert! The water was churning and splashing everywhere. Both Brian and the crocodile were screaming and raising hell. Finally, after what seemed like ages, Brian strangled the crocodile, and let it float to the top of the pool like a dead goldfish. An exhausted Brian wearily climbed out of the pool, with everybody staring at him in disbelief. The millionaire said, "Well Brian, I guess I owe you a million dollars then." "Nah, your all right man, I don’t want it," said Brian. So, the millionaire said, "I have to give you something, you won the bet." "How about half a million bucks?" "No thanks, I don’t want it," Brian insisted. The millionaire said, "Come on, I insist on giving you something... " "That was amazing!" "How about a new Porsche, a Rolex and some stock options?" Once again, Brian said, "No thanks." Confused, the rich man asked, "Well Brian, then what do you want?" Brian replied... "I want the bastard who pushed me in!"

Post a Comment

Previous Post Next Post

My wife came home early and caught me in bed with a beautiful woman! She screamed: “You filthy pig! How can you do this to me — to the mother of your children?! We’re getting a divorce!” I said: “Honey, please… just let me explain!” She crossed her arms: “Fine. Talk. But these will be your last words.” So I told her: “Look sweetheart… When I got off the bus, I saw this poor lady. She was freezing and starving, and she asked me for help. How could I ignore her? I brought her home and gave her the pizza you didn’t eat last night because it was ‘too greasy.’ She devoured it. She was filthy, so I told her she could take a shower. While she was in the bathroom, I noticed her clothes were dirty and full of holes. So I gave her the lingerie I bought for our anniversary — the ones you hated because they were black. I gave her a pair of your jeans you never wear just because my mom bought them. Then I gave her that shirt you didn’t even unpack because it was from a cheap store. Honey… you should’ve seen how happy she was. She was glowing.” "I walked her to the door. She turned back, tears in her eyes, and said ‘Is there anything else your wife doesn’t use?"

There was a small church that had a very big-busted organist. Long Her breasts were so huge that they inadvertently bounced and jiggled the entire time she played the organ. Unfortunately, she distracted most of the congregation considerably, both male and female. The very proper church ladies were appalled. They said something had to be done about this or they would have to get another organist. So, one of the ladies approached her, very discreetly, and told her to mash up some green persimmons and rub them on the nipples of her breasts and maybe they would shrink in size, but warned her to not eat any of the green persimmons, 'because they are so sour they will make your mouth pucker up and you won't be able to talk properly for a week! The perky organist agreed to try rubbing the persimmons on her nipples. The following Sunday morning the minister got up in the pulpit and said... 'Dew to thircumsthanthis bewond my contwol, we will not haff a thermon tewday.”

One day Jesus came across a mob surrounding a woman, armed with stones. He asks what’s happening, and they explain that she’s an adulteress and that the penalty for adultery is to be stoned to death. “Is that so?”, he replies. “In that case, whoever among you is free from sin, let them cast the first stone”. A woman at the back of the mob promptly throws a rock square at the head of the adulteress, killing her instantly. Jesus looks over at the woman who threw the stone and shakes his head sadly. “Mum, sometimes you really piss me off.”