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A local business is looking for office help... They put a sign in the window saying: "HELP WANTED." "Must be able to type, must be good with a computer and must be bilingual." "We are an Equal Opportunity Employer." A short time afterward, a dog trots up to the window, sees the sign, and goes inside... He looks at the receptionist and wags his tail, then walks over to the sign, looks at it and whines. Getting the idea, the receptionist gets the office manager... The office manager looks at the dog and is surprised, to say the least. However, the dog looks determined, so he leads him into the office... Inside, the dog jumps up on the chair and stares at the manager. The manager says, "I can't hire you; the sign says you have to be able to type." The dog jumps down, goes to the typewriter and proceeds to type out a perfect letter... He takes out the page, trots over to the manager and gives it to him, then jumps back on the chair. The manager is stunned, but then tells the dog, "The sign says you have to be good with a computer." The dog jumps down again and goes to the computer... The dog proceeds to demonstrate his expertise with various programs... He produces a sample spreadsheet and database then presents them to the manager. By this time the manager is totally dumbfounded! He looks at the dog and says, "I realize that you are a very intelligent dog and have some interesting abilities." "However, I still can't give you the job." The dog jumps down and goes over to the "Help Wanted" sign, then puts his paw on the part about being an "Equal Opportunity Employer". The manager says, "Yes, but the sign also says that you have to be bilingual." The dog looks at him straight in the face and says... "Meow, meow."

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My wife came home early and caught me in bed with a beautiful woman! She screamed: “You filthy pig! How can you do this to me — to the mother of your children?! We’re getting a divorce!” I said: “Honey, please… just let me explain!” She crossed her arms: “Fine. Talk. But these will be your last words.” So I told her: “Look sweetheart… When I got off the bus, I saw this poor lady. She was freezing and starving, and she asked me for help. How could I ignore her? I brought her home and gave her the pizza you didn’t eat last night because it was ‘too greasy.’ She devoured it. She was filthy, so I told her she could take a shower. While she was in the bathroom, I noticed her clothes were dirty and full of holes. So I gave her the lingerie I bought for our anniversary — the ones you hated because they were black. I gave her a pair of your jeans you never wear just because my mom bought them. Then I gave her that shirt you didn’t even unpack because it was from a cheap store. Honey… you should’ve seen how happy she was. She was glowing.” "I walked her to the door. She turned back, tears in her eyes, and said ‘Is there anything else your wife doesn’t use?"

There was a small church that had a very big-busted organist. Long Her breasts were so huge that they inadvertently bounced and jiggled the entire time she played the organ. Unfortunately, she distracted most of the congregation considerably, both male and female. The very proper church ladies were appalled. They said something had to be done about this or they would have to get another organist. So, one of the ladies approached her, very discreetly, and told her to mash up some green persimmons and rub them on the nipples of her breasts and maybe they would shrink in size, but warned her to not eat any of the green persimmons, 'because they are so sour they will make your mouth pucker up and you won't be able to talk properly for a week! The perky organist agreed to try rubbing the persimmons on her nipples. The following Sunday morning the minister got up in the pulpit and said... 'Dew to thircumsthanthis bewond my contwol, we will not haff a thermon tewday.”

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