Uploaded Image
A lady goes into a pet store one day... "I’m really lonely," she says to the clerk, "I need a pet to keep me company." "Well," replies the clerk, "how about this nice parrot? He’ll talk to you." "Hey, that’s a great idea!" says the lady... So, she buys the parrot and takes him home. The next day the lady comes back to the pet store... "You know that parrot isn’t talking to me yet," she says. "Hmm, let’s see," thinks the clerk... "I know! Buy this little ladder for his cage. He’ll climb the ladder, and then he’ll talk to you." So off she goes with a newly purchased ladder. The next day the lady comes back to the pet store again... "Hey, that parrot still hasn’t said a word," she says to the clerk. He thinks a minute... "How about this little mirror?" he says, "Hang it at the top of the ladder... " "The parrot will climb the ladder, look in the mirror, and then he’ll talk to you." "Okay," says the lady. She buys the little mirror and goes home. But the next day the same lady is back in the shop... "Well, I’m getting a bit discouraged," she says, "That parrot still won’t talk to me." The clerk scratches his head, "Let me think... " "Aha! Try this bell. Just hang it over the mirror... " "The parrot will climb the ladder, look in the mirror, ring the bell, and then he will surely talk to you!" "All right, I’ll give it a try," says the lady. So, she buys the bell and takes it home. The next day the same lady comes back to the pet shop, and she is very distressed... "What’s wrong?" asks the clerk. "My parrot, well, he died," she answers quietly. "Oh my gosh! I’m so sorry for your loss!" exclaims the clerk... "But I have to ask you, did the parrot ever say anything to you?" "Oh yes, he said one thing, right before he died," she replies. "Well, what did he say?" asks the clerk. The lady replies, "He said... " "Doesn’t that store carry any food?"

Post a Comment

Previous Post Next Post

My wife came home early and caught me in bed with a beautiful woman! She screamed: “You filthy pig! How can you do this to me — to the mother of your children?! We’re getting a divorce!” I said: “Honey, please… just let me explain!” She crossed her arms: “Fine. Talk. But these will be your last words.” So I told her: “Look sweetheart… When I got off the bus, I saw this poor lady. She was freezing and starving, and she asked me for help. How could I ignore her? I brought her home and gave her the pizza you didn’t eat last night because it was ‘too greasy.’ She devoured it. She was filthy, so I told her she could take a shower. While she was in the bathroom, I noticed her clothes were dirty and full of holes. So I gave her the lingerie I bought for our anniversary — the ones you hated because they were black. I gave her a pair of your jeans you never wear just because my mom bought them. Then I gave her that shirt you didn’t even unpack because it was from a cheap store. Honey… you should’ve seen how happy she was. She was glowing.” "I walked her to the door. She turned back, tears in her eyes, and said ‘Is there anything else your wife doesn’t use?"

There was a small church that had a very big-busted organist. Long Her breasts were so huge that they inadvertently bounced and jiggled the entire time she played the organ. Unfortunately, she distracted most of the congregation considerably, both male and female. The very proper church ladies were appalled. They said something had to be done about this or they would have to get another organist. So, one of the ladies approached her, very discreetly, and told her to mash up some green persimmons and rub them on the nipples of her breasts and maybe they would shrink in size, but warned her to not eat any of the green persimmons, 'because they are so sour they will make your mouth pucker up and you won't be able to talk properly for a week! The perky organist agreed to try rubbing the persimmons on her nipples. The following Sunday morning the minister got up in the pulpit and said... 'Dew to thircumsthanthis bewond my contwol, we will not haff a thermon tewday.”

One day Jesus came across a mob surrounding a woman, armed with stones. He asks what’s happening, and they explain that she’s an adulteress and that the penalty for adultery is to be stoned to death. “Is that so?”, he replies. “In that case, whoever among you is free from sin, let them cast the first stone”. A woman at the back of the mob promptly throws a rock square at the head of the adulteress, killing her instantly. Jesus looks over at the woman who threw the stone and shakes his head sadly. “Mum, sometimes you really piss me off.”