An old farmer had a car accident... In court, the trucking company's lawyer was questioning the farmer. The lawyer asked, "Didn’t you say "I'm fine", just after the accident?" The farmer replied, "Well, I’ll tell you what happened, I had just loaded my favorite mule, Bessie, into the... " The lawyer interrupted, "I did not ask you for any details - just answer the question, please... " 

"Did you not say "I'm fine", at the scene of the accident?" The farmer responded, "Well, I had just got Bessie into the trailer, and I was driving down the road... " The lawyer interrupted again, and said, "Judge, I’m trying to establish the fact that, at the scene of the accident... " "this man told the highway patrolman on the scene that he was just fine... " 

"Now several weeks after the accident, he is trying to sue my client - I believe he is a fraud... " "Please tell him to simply answer the question." By this time, the judge was fairly interested in the farmer's answer, and said to the lawyer... "I’d like to hear what he has to say about his favorite mule, Bessie." The farmer thanked the judge, then proceeded... 

"Well, as I was saying, I had just loaded Bessie, my favorite mule, into the trailer, and was driving down the highway... " "when this huge semi-truck ran the stop sign, and smacked my truck right in the side... " "I was thrown into one ditch, and Bessie was thrown into the other." "I was hurting real bad, and didn’t want to move... " 

"However, I could hear old Bessie moaning and groaning." "I knew she was in terrible shape just by her groans... " "When the highway patrolman came on the scene, he could hear Bessie moaning and groaning, so he went over to her." 

"After he looked at her, and saw her near fatal condition, he took out his gun, and shot her between the eyes... " "Then the patrolman came across the road, gun still in hand, looked at me and asked how I was feeling." "So, I told him... " "I'm fine!"

Post a Comment

Post a Comment

Previous Post Next Post

My wife came home early and caught me in bed with a beautiful woman! She screamed: “You filthy pig! How can you do this to me — to the mother of your children?! We’re getting a divorce!” I said: “Honey, please… just let me explain!” She crossed her arms: “Fine. Talk. But these will be your last words.” So I told her: “Look sweetheart… When I got off the bus, I saw this poor lady. She was freezing and starving, and she asked me for help. How could I ignore her? I brought her home and gave her the pizza you didn’t eat last night because it was ‘too greasy.’ She devoured it. She was filthy, so I told her she could take a shower. While she was in the bathroom, I noticed her clothes were dirty and full of holes. So I gave her the lingerie I bought for our anniversary — the ones you hated because they were black. I gave her a pair of your jeans you never wear just because my mom bought them. Then I gave her that shirt you didn’t even unpack because it was from a cheap store. Honey… you should’ve seen how happy she was. She was glowing.” "I walked her to the door. She turned back, tears in her eyes, and said ‘Is there anything else your wife doesn’t use?"

There was a small church that had a very big-busted organist. Long Her breasts were so huge that they inadvertently bounced and jiggled the entire time she played the organ. Unfortunately, she distracted most of the congregation considerably, both male and female. The very proper church ladies were appalled. They said something had to be done about this or they would have to get another organist. So, one of the ladies approached her, very discreetly, and told her to mash up some green persimmons and rub them on the nipples of her breasts and maybe they would shrink in size, but warned her to not eat any of the green persimmons, 'because they are so sour they will make your mouth pucker up and you won't be able to talk properly for a week! The perky organist agreed to try rubbing the persimmons on her nipples. The following Sunday morning the minister got up in the pulpit and said... 'Dew to thircumsthanthis bewond my contwol, we will not haff a thermon tewday.”

One day Jesus came across a mob surrounding a woman, armed with stones. He asks what’s happening, and they explain that she’s an adulteress and that the penalty for adultery is to be stoned to death. “Is that so?”, he replies. “In that case, whoever among you is free from sin, let them cast the first stone”. A woman at the back of the mob promptly throws a rock square at the head of the adulteress, killing her instantly. Jesus looks over at the woman who threw the stone and shakes his head sadly. “Mum, sometimes you really piss me off.”