Greg and Susan, a middle-aged couple, have just landed in Honolulu, and they can hardly contain their excitement... It’s their first time in Hawaii, a trip they’ve been talking about for years. As they step out of the airport, Susan gazes around with a dreamy look in her eyes and exclaims, "Oh, isn’t Havaii beautiful?" Greg immediately furrows his brow, "Honey, I’m pretty sure it’s pronounced 'Hawaii'... " 

"You know, with a ‘w’ sound," he says, trying to sound casual but unable to resist correcting her. Susan, however, is not one to back down easily... She looks at him with confidence and retorts, "No, dear," waving a hand dismissively, "It’s ‘Havaii’... " "I read it in the Woman’s Home Journal. 

It’s how the locals pronounce it. Trust me on this." Greg shakes his head slightly, knowing this will go nowhere... He’s been married to Susan long enough to know that when she thinks she’s right, there’s no convincing her otherwise. So, instead of arguing, he focuses on hailing a cab, hoping to avoid a lengthy debate on their first day of vacation... 

As they slide into the back seat of a taxi, the driver gives them a warm, welcoming smile and says, "Aloha!... " "First time in Havaii?" Susan’s eyes light up, and she nudges Greg triumphantly... "See?" she whispers with a grin. "Even the cab driver says ‘Havaii’! I told you!" She crosses her arms, settling into her seat with an air of smug satisfaction. Greg looks out the window, biting his tongue... 

He doesn’t want to ruin the trip, but deep down, he’s certain it’s ‘Hawaii,’ not ‘Havaii'. They arrive at their hotel, and the driver hops out to unload their luggage... As he sets the suitcases on the curb, Susan digs through her purse and pulls out some cash, handing it to the driver with a generous tip... "Thank you so much," she says with a bright smile. The driver, tipping his hat with a polite nod, replies... "You’re velcome."

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My wife came home early and caught me in bed with a beautiful woman! She screamed: “You filthy pig! How can you do this to me — to the mother of your children?! We’re getting a divorce!” I said: “Honey, please… just let me explain!” She crossed her arms: “Fine. Talk. But these will be your last words.” So I told her: “Look sweetheart… When I got off the bus, I saw this poor lady. She was freezing and starving, and she asked me for help. How could I ignore her? I brought her home and gave her the pizza you didn’t eat last night because it was ‘too greasy.’ She devoured it. She was filthy, so I told her she could take a shower. While she was in the bathroom, I noticed her clothes were dirty and full of holes. So I gave her the lingerie I bought for our anniversary — the ones you hated because they were black. I gave her a pair of your jeans you never wear just because my mom bought them. Then I gave her that shirt you didn’t even unpack because it was from a cheap store. Honey… you should’ve seen how happy she was. She was glowing.” "I walked her to the door. She turned back, tears in her eyes, and said ‘Is there anything else your wife doesn’t use?"

There was a small church that had a very big-busted organist. Long Her breasts were so huge that they inadvertently bounced and jiggled the entire time she played the organ. Unfortunately, she distracted most of the congregation considerably, both male and female. The very proper church ladies were appalled. They said something had to be done about this or they would have to get another organist. So, one of the ladies approached her, very discreetly, and told her to mash up some green persimmons and rub them on the nipples of her breasts and maybe they would shrink in size, but warned her to not eat any of the green persimmons, 'because they are so sour they will make your mouth pucker up and you won't be able to talk properly for a week! The perky organist agreed to try rubbing the persimmons on her nipples. The following Sunday morning the minister got up in the pulpit and said... 'Dew to thircumsthanthis bewond my contwol, we will not haff a thermon tewday.”

One day Jesus came across a mob surrounding a woman, armed with stones. He asks what’s happening, and they explain that she’s an adulteress and that the penalty for adultery is to be stoned to death. “Is that so?”, he replies. “In that case, whoever among you is free from sin, let them cast the first stone”. A woman at the back of the mob promptly throws a rock square at the head of the adulteress, killing her instantly. Jesus looks over at the woman who threw the stone and shakes his head sadly. “Mum, sometimes you really piss me off.”