A boy found a magic lamp one day and out came a genie who exclaimed "I shall grant a single wish that you desire!"

The boy himself was very greedy in life and felt insulted that he was allowed only one wish. "That's it?" He retorted, "All the stories I've heard about you guys usually involve three or more wishes!"

"Well, unfortunate for you, I'm not like most genies and my limit is at one wish per person," the genie responded.

"Oh yeah, well I'm not buying that!" The boy said with a mischievous grin. "I wish that you could give me another wish!"

The genie pondered for a moment, playing with his mustache, before responding, "You know what? That I can do." Then, he suddenly went away in a puff of purple smoke.

The boy waited for hours, but the genie had yet to show up again. Hours turned into days, days turned to months, and months turned to years. The boy, now a man, reviled the genie for going back on his word and tricking him into thinking that his wish could be fulfilled. He became cynical in life, alienating friends and family and even jobs over his attitude. He soon turned to a life of crime that involved theft, assault, and even murder. He was eventually arrested and was sentenced to death row.

Ever the cynic, he cursed those that had wronged him and life in general. A few days before his sentence was to be carried out, a man with a familiar looking mustache in a suit walked into his jail cell with a clipboard.

"You're the genie from my childhood!"

"You have a good memory, I see," the genie said calmly.

"You just left me without giving me my wish, you bastard!" The man seethed at the genie.

"That's not true, you wished for another wish and here I am to grant it for you. We never agreed on the time or place."

The man threw up his hands in frustration. "Fine, then get me the hell out of here!"

"I'm afraid I cannot," the genie explained. "As I said, we never agreed on the details of the second wish and my powers are limited in even granting a second wish at that. Unfortunately, your options are limited."

"Then...what can I wish for?"

The genie raised his clipboard and hovered a pencil above, "What do wish to eat for your last meal, chicken or fish?"

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My wife came home early and caught me in bed with a beautiful woman! She screamed: “You filthy pig! How can you do this to me — to the mother of your children?! We’re getting a divorce!” I said: “Honey, please… just let me explain!” She crossed her arms: “Fine. Talk. But these will be your last words.” So I told her: “Look sweetheart… When I got off the bus, I saw this poor lady. She was freezing and starving, and she asked me for help. How could I ignore her? I brought her home and gave her the pizza you didn’t eat last night because it was ‘too greasy.’ She devoured it. She was filthy, so I told her she could take a shower. While she was in the bathroom, I noticed her clothes were dirty and full of holes. So I gave her the lingerie I bought for our anniversary — the ones you hated because they were black. I gave her a pair of your jeans you never wear just because my mom bought them. Then I gave her that shirt you didn’t even unpack because it was from a cheap store. Honey… you should’ve seen how happy she was. She was glowing.” "I walked her to the door. She turned back, tears in her eyes, and said ‘Is there anything else your wife doesn’t use?"

There was a small church that had a very big-busted organist. Long Her breasts were so huge that they inadvertently bounced and jiggled the entire time she played the organ. Unfortunately, she distracted most of the congregation considerably, both male and female. The very proper church ladies were appalled. They said something had to be done about this or they would have to get another organist. So, one of the ladies approached her, very discreetly, and told her to mash up some green persimmons and rub them on the nipples of her breasts and maybe they would shrink in size, but warned her to not eat any of the green persimmons, 'because they are so sour they will make your mouth pucker up and you won't be able to talk properly for a week! The perky organist agreed to try rubbing the persimmons on her nipples. The following Sunday morning the minister got up in the pulpit and said... 'Dew to thircumsthanthis bewond my contwol, we will not haff a thermon tewday.”

One day Jesus came across a mob surrounding a woman, armed with stones. He asks what’s happening, and they explain that she’s an adulteress and that the penalty for adultery is to be stoned to death. “Is that so?”, he replies. “In that case, whoever among you is free from sin, let them cast the first stone”. A woman at the back of the mob promptly throws a rock square at the head of the adulteress, killing her instantly. Jesus looks over at the woman who threw the stone and shakes his head sadly. “Mum, sometimes you really piss me off.”