Two college buddies were invited to a mountain resort for cross-country skiing, and they got off to a late start.

Driving the unfamiliar mountain roads, they became concerned as it grew darker and they saw light snow starting.

Thinking maybe they were close to the resort, they looked for a store or gas station where they could ask directions. Finding no other place, they saw a farmhouse with the lights on and pulled into the driveway.

A lady answered the door and she told them the roads were too treacherous for those unfamiliar with the area. They asked if they could rent a room or a couch and stay there overnight. The lady explained that she is a recent widow, and the neighbors know her too well. Seeing an extra vehicle at her house overnight would be a very bad idea.

Still though she was concerned for their well-being and proposed they pull their car into the horse barn and sleep there until dawn. She said her husband had gotten rid of the horses before his death so the barn was quiet and there was a sink and toilet they could use. She also offered to bring them towels, blankets, and some food. The buddies accepted this offer knowing it was getting dark fast and they had no other options.

At dawn they awoke and she delivered some breakfast and hot coffee for the road.

About nine months later they were having drinks and buddy 1 moved the conversation back to their ski trip. Buddy 2 talked about the great time they had and how they should do it again.

Buddy 1 asks his friend, "that night, while we slept in the barn, did you happen to sneak out of the car and into the widow's house while I slept?" Buddy 2, a bit sheepishly says, "yes." Buddy 1 asks, "and did you and the widow have fun?" Buddy 2, really concerned now answers, "yes." Buddy 1 continues and asks, "and did you happen to use my name?" Buddy 2, really nervous at this point responds, "well, er, I may have, why?" Buddy 1, "well I just got a letter from her attorney and apparently she had the greatest night ever and when she died, she left her entire estate to me."

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My wife came home early and caught me in bed with a beautiful woman! She screamed: “You filthy pig! How can you do this to me — to the mother of your children?! We’re getting a divorce!” I said: “Honey, please… just let me explain!” She crossed her arms: “Fine. Talk. But these will be your last words.” So I told her: “Look sweetheart… When I got off the bus, I saw this poor lady. She was freezing and starving, and she asked me for help. How could I ignore her? I brought her home and gave her the pizza you didn’t eat last night because it was ‘too greasy.’ She devoured it. She was filthy, so I told her she could take a shower. While she was in the bathroom, I noticed her clothes were dirty and full of holes. So I gave her the lingerie I bought for our anniversary — the ones you hated because they were black. I gave her a pair of your jeans you never wear just because my mom bought them. Then I gave her that shirt you didn’t even unpack because it was from a cheap store. Honey… you should’ve seen how happy she was. She was glowing.” "I walked her to the door. She turned back, tears in her eyes, and said ‘Is there anything else your wife doesn’t use?"

There was a small church that had a very big-busted organist. Long Her breasts were so huge that they inadvertently bounced and jiggled the entire time she played the organ. Unfortunately, she distracted most of the congregation considerably, both male and female. The very proper church ladies were appalled. They said something had to be done about this or they would have to get another organist. So, one of the ladies approached her, very discreetly, and told her to mash up some green persimmons and rub them on the nipples of her breasts and maybe they would shrink in size, but warned her to not eat any of the green persimmons, 'because they are so sour they will make your mouth pucker up and you won't be able to talk properly for a week! The perky organist agreed to try rubbing the persimmons on her nipples. The following Sunday morning the minister got up in the pulpit and said... 'Dew to thircumsthanthis bewond my contwol, we will not haff a thermon tewday.”

One day Jesus came across a mob surrounding a woman, armed with stones. He asks what’s happening, and they explain that she’s an adulteress and that the penalty for adultery is to be stoned to death. “Is that so?”, he replies. “In that case, whoever among you is free from sin, let them cast the first stone”. A woman at the back of the mob promptly throws a rock square at the head of the adulteress, killing her instantly. Jesus looks over at the woman who threw the stone and shakes his head sadly. “Mum, sometimes you really piss me off.”