A couple was invited to a Halloween party. But the wife got a terrible headache and told her husband to go to the party alone. He begged her to go, but she said she would just take some aspirin and go to bed, and didn't want to spoil his fun. So he put his bear costume on and went to the party.

After sleeping soundly for one hour, the woman woke up feeling better. As it was still early, she decided to go to the party.

She thought it would be fun to watch how her husband acted when she wasn't there, so she wore a brand-new costume that he wouldn't recognize.

She joined the party and soon spotted her husband cavorting around on the dance floor, dancing with every hot babe in the joint, copping a feel here and a kiss there.

Angrily, she sidled up to her husband, who immediately left his dance partner to be with this "new" babe.

She let him go as far as he wished; naturally, since he was her husband. Finally he whispered a little proposition in her ear and she agreed, so they went in the back and had sex.

She then slipped away and went home, appalled at her husband's behavior. She put the costume away and waited, ready to blast him when he got home.

When he got home she was in bed, pretending to read, and she asked him if he had a good time without her.

He said, "Not really; I never have a good time when you're not there."

"Is that so?" she said. "So you didn't dance at all?"

And he said, "Nope, not one dance."

Gritting her teeth in anger she said, "Not even one?"

And he said, "No. As soon as I arrived I saw Pete, Bill and some other guys. Because you weren't there, I just went with them into the den and played poker."

Furious, the wife said, "You must have looked like a real asshole, playing poker in your bear costume."

And the husband said, "Actually, I lent my costume to your brother, and he told me he had an absolute blast!"

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My wife came home early and caught me in bed with a beautiful woman! She screamed: “You filthy pig! How can you do this to me — to the mother of your children?! We’re getting a divorce!” I said: “Honey, please… just let me explain!” She crossed her arms: “Fine. Talk. But these will be your last words.” So I told her: “Look sweetheart… When I got off the bus, I saw this poor lady. She was freezing and starving, and she asked me for help. How could I ignore her? I brought her home and gave her the pizza you didn’t eat last night because it was ‘too greasy.’ She devoured it. She was filthy, so I told her she could take a shower. While she was in the bathroom, I noticed her clothes were dirty and full of holes. So I gave her the lingerie I bought for our anniversary — the ones you hated because they were black. I gave her a pair of your jeans you never wear just because my mom bought them. Then I gave her that shirt you didn’t even unpack because it was from a cheap store. Honey… you should’ve seen how happy she was. She was glowing.” "I walked her to the door. She turned back, tears in her eyes, and said ‘Is there anything else your wife doesn’t use?"

There was a small church that had a very big-busted organist. Long Her breasts were so huge that they inadvertently bounced and jiggled the entire time she played the organ. Unfortunately, she distracted most of the congregation considerably, both male and female. The very proper church ladies were appalled. They said something had to be done about this or they would have to get another organist. So, one of the ladies approached her, very discreetly, and told her to mash up some green persimmons and rub them on the nipples of her breasts and maybe they would shrink in size, but warned her to not eat any of the green persimmons, 'because they are so sour they will make your mouth pucker up and you won't be able to talk properly for a week! The perky organist agreed to try rubbing the persimmons on her nipples. The following Sunday morning the minister got up in the pulpit and said... 'Dew to thircumsthanthis bewond my contwol, we will not haff a thermon tewday.”

One day Jesus came across a mob surrounding a woman, armed with stones. He asks what’s happening, and they explain that she’s an adulteress and that the penalty for adultery is to be stoned to death. “Is that so?”, he replies. “In that case, whoever among you is free from sin, let them cast the first stone”. A woman at the back of the mob promptly throws a rock square at the head of the adulteress, killing her instantly. Jesus looks over at the woman who threw the stone and shakes his head sadly. “Mum, sometimes you really piss me off.”